Considering all my gifts for Yule and Christmas, the theme for 2015 is probably "take care of yourself". From friends and family I received the magic bullet I've talked about, cough drops, rubber duckies and bubble bath, luxurious scented bath salts, and an entire at-home spa kit. I'd just like to take a bit to talk about the spa kit because it was so incredible.
It contained:
Foot bath, marbles, scented epsom salt, oil vaporizer-diffuser, oils for diffuser, gel facial mask, fuzzy socks, shower head, head massager, and an exfoliating shower pouf.
I've only used everything once so far, but I've used several of the pieces multiple times. I've been sick lately. I should probably have tried the spa kit to help me feel better but I felt too sick to even think that far.
I've loved using the oil diffuser. It lights up in changing colors, so it's pretty. It automatically shuts off when it gets too low, so I don't have to babysit it. And it makes the house smell great, which can't be wrong.
The shower head makes every shower fun. I really can't express how much fun it is. It changes color by temperature. Basically it's green when the water is cold, blue when warm, and red when hot. Since it's the middle of winter, I've been showering almost exclusively in red, but I'm sure I'll shower in blue when it's spring and during the summer I know I'll take my cool-off-before-bed showers in green.
Taking care of myself is something I struggle with. I'm not saying I'm bad to myself, but I forget that I'm allowed to pamper myself. I was recently talking with a friend about how hard it is to feel like cooking something really nice for yourself when you're single (or your partner is gone on a trip, like mine was recently).
It's hard to remember that I'm allowed to just stop and play around with soap and moisturizer and nail polish. I actually can put on makeup for no reason other than I feel like it. If I want to take myself out for a nice meal all alone, I can. I shouldn't worry what people at the restaurant think about me. I can take long baths just for myself.
Have you ever heard of HALT? It's hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If you feel any of those, stop and take care of yourself. It's hard to remember sometimes.
One day I felt bad and was beating myself up. My mom said, "Be nice to my daughter." It really hit me that I'm not "just me," I'm someone special to people. I'm my parents' daughter and my sisters' sister and my friends' friend and my partner's partner. That seems like something people should remember, but it's easy to forget. I don't want my friends to beat themselves up. I want them to take care of themselves. They feel the same for me. Sometimes I can't take care of myself for me but I can do it for them.
I can speculate why this is the case. It ranges from I'm a natural caretaker of others to I'm a woman and society has historically given us very little permission to do things for ourselves. It's strange to realize that at some point I was conditioned that I'm not worth it because I'm me, I'm only worth it because I'm something to someone else.
When I was younger, I was really proud of myself for taking like 5 minutes in the morning to get ready. Do makeup or special style my hair? Why? I'm not vain or shallow like so many girls in my middle and high schools. My looks don't matter. People need to like me for who I am, not what I look like. This, of course, had direct connections to the fact that I've been overweight (and ruthlessly teased) for a good chunk of my life.
Now that I'm past the years of middle and high school (and sorority life), I've finally come to realize several things.
One is that the person who was meanest to me and teased me most was me. Sure people said stuff sometimes, but I said it to myself far more than anyone else.
Two is that it's okay to spend time doing your hair or makeup or whatever you want, and it doesn't automatically mean you're vain. It means that you want to take any pride whatsoever in your appearance. You do it because you want to do it, not because society demands it or because someone else needs you to do it.
Three is that there's a good chance any negative comments made to me when I was younger was based on my personality. I'm a decent person, okay? But I was a know-it-all. I was a bit like Hermione from Harry Potter. People didn't hate her (you know, after that first Halloween), but before the troll situation in book 1, Ron and Harry thought she was pretty snobby or know-it-all. Well, that was me. It took me longer than her to stop being that way, but it eventually happened. In the meantime, I had socialization to learn. And I was always nice, but I've known a lot of people who are nice and smart and not know-it-all.
If I could talk to my younger self, I'd try to encourage me to relax, don't stress, stop trying to impress everyone, just be a bit more open. I judged people as much as they judged me.
I'd also tell myself that even though there were hard and really horrible things ahead, we all make it to the other side. And those things are what will really make me a better person, so stop worrying about that particular group of girls in high school.
Now that the hard, horrible stuff has mostly passed, it's time to learn to take care of myself. How did everyone else learn how to do it? It's not easy or intuitive.
It contained:
Foot bath, marbles, scented epsom salt, oil vaporizer-diffuser, oils for diffuser, gel facial mask, fuzzy socks, shower head, head massager, and an exfoliating shower pouf.
I've only used everything once so far, but I've used several of the pieces multiple times. I've been sick lately. I should probably have tried the spa kit to help me feel better but I felt too sick to even think that far.
I've loved using the oil diffuser. It lights up in changing colors, so it's pretty. It automatically shuts off when it gets too low, so I don't have to babysit it. And it makes the house smell great, which can't be wrong.
The shower head makes every shower fun. I really can't express how much fun it is. It changes color by temperature. Basically it's green when the water is cold, blue when warm, and red when hot. Since it's the middle of winter, I've been showering almost exclusively in red, but I'm sure I'll shower in blue when it's spring and during the summer I know I'll take my cool-off-before-bed showers in green.
Taking care of myself is something I struggle with. I'm not saying I'm bad to myself, but I forget that I'm allowed to pamper myself. I was recently talking with a friend about how hard it is to feel like cooking something really nice for yourself when you're single (or your partner is gone on a trip, like mine was recently).
It's hard to remember that I'm allowed to just stop and play around with soap and moisturizer and nail polish. I actually can put on makeup for no reason other than I feel like it. If I want to take myself out for a nice meal all alone, I can. I shouldn't worry what people at the restaurant think about me. I can take long baths just for myself.
Have you ever heard of HALT? It's hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If you feel any of those, stop and take care of yourself. It's hard to remember sometimes.
One day I felt bad and was beating myself up. My mom said, "Be nice to my daughter." It really hit me that I'm not "just me," I'm someone special to people. I'm my parents' daughter and my sisters' sister and my friends' friend and my partner's partner. That seems like something people should remember, but it's easy to forget. I don't want my friends to beat themselves up. I want them to take care of themselves. They feel the same for me. Sometimes I can't take care of myself for me but I can do it for them.
I can speculate why this is the case. It ranges from I'm a natural caretaker of others to I'm a woman and society has historically given us very little permission to do things for ourselves. It's strange to realize that at some point I was conditioned that I'm not worth it because I'm me, I'm only worth it because I'm something to someone else.
When I was younger, I was really proud of myself for taking like 5 minutes in the morning to get ready. Do makeup or special style my hair? Why? I'm not vain or shallow like so many girls in my middle and high schools. My looks don't matter. People need to like me for who I am, not what I look like. This, of course, had direct connections to the fact that I've been overweight (and ruthlessly teased) for a good chunk of my life.
Now that I'm past the years of middle and high school (and sorority life), I've finally come to realize several things.
One is that the person who was meanest to me and teased me most was me. Sure people said stuff sometimes, but I said it to myself far more than anyone else.
Two is that it's okay to spend time doing your hair or makeup or whatever you want, and it doesn't automatically mean you're vain. It means that you want to take any pride whatsoever in your appearance. You do it because you want to do it, not because society demands it or because someone else needs you to do it.
Three is that there's a good chance any negative comments made to me when I was younger was based on my personality. I'm a decent person, okay? But I was a know-it-all. I was a bit like Hermione from Harry Potter. People didn't hate her (you know, after that first Halloween), but before the troll situation in book 1, Ron and Harry thought she was pretty snobby or know-it-all. Well, that was me. It took me longer than her to stop being that way, but it eventually happened. In the meantime, I had socialization to learn. And I was always nice, but I've known a lot of people who are nice and smart and not know-it-all.
If I could talk to my younger self, I'd try to encourage me to relax, don't stress, stop trying to impress everyone, just be a bit more open. I judged people as much as they judged me.
I'd also tell myself that even though there were hard and really horrible things ahead, we all make it to the other side. And those things are what will really make me a better person, so stop worrying about that particular group of girls in high school.
Now that the hard, horrible stuff has mostly passed, it's time to learn to take care of myself. How did everyone else learn how to do it? It's not easy or intuitive.
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